Sunday Morning

Not feeling so well this morning. Sitting here reading my daily devotionals and I am awestruck how God puts something in my path that I needed to hear. God made me how I am. We are fearfully and wonderfully made. God does not make mistakes. Not much else to write this morning.....just wanted to share that. I am going to sit and ponder those thoughts for a while......

Morning....

I sit here (alone of course - cause no one really pays attention to a big gal!) pondering thoughts of a once happy life over my cup of sanity this morning, my coffee. I was engaged to be married a while back and that blew up in my face. My nature is to take care of other people - out of kindness but also out of some innate need to seek approval. I feel if they see how hard I work they will not see me just as a plus sized gal. Also it stems from my whole abandonment issues but that is a whole different blog and more coffee. I did everything I knew to do for this man. Took care of everything - even threw my morals out the window so I could make him happy in every way. What a waste of time. He got fired, became depressed and ignored me and the little people running a muck at the house (his child and then my child) - I sacrificed everything for nothing in return. Now he is moving on with his life with a much skinnier, bigger boobed.... blond chick (that is what I shall call her - for the sake of this blog and me still remaining a Christian!). Ooooh and she has no kids. It is so hard as Christian woman who sacrificed it all (dreams, job and morals!) and he just left. Lesson learned. Oh well....think I will just have some doughnuts with my coffee :) Gotta keep up my girlish figure! Happy day to all!

Well.....here we are

I am not your average plus size gal. I have always had bigger legs and a bootie. Now that I am older (29 and holding firmly now for a few good years) my body just isn't the same. I live in an image conscious world who seems to think that a size 10 is disgusting. God forbid you be a higher number than that some people think.....Not I. I love my curves. I love myself. This is my after baby body, whom is a pre-teen now....so blaming the child is not an option anymore. I just love to eat. I semi-workout and semi-eat healthy. It is so hard now in such an image focused society. Life is hard enough with competing at work, school, and home - now I have to worry about eating in public also? I see other women who have had children and don't look like they have an ounce of anything on them......I on the other hand have curves. I have learned to accept that I am a curvy woman. Now if I could learn to accept what others see me as. People looking at me when I am shopping or eating out. It is so hard to not be so self-conscious when you feel like the world's eyes are on you. "Is she really having another piece of cake?" Or "poor girl...she must be depressed. Look how plump she is and she is still eating! So sad." No actually it is not sad. I like my cake or pie or second helping of mashed potatoes. To be continued.......